So it's Monday and I should be having Jazz nerves or something, but I'm not because I am not going to class tonight. I'm not going to class tonight because I am really really freaking tired. I'm really really freaking tired because my body has decided to go haywire on me again.

Twelve or so years ago at the age of 23 I was first diagnosed as Type 2 diabetic with familial hyperlipdimia. The diagnosis came after a horrible case of eruptive xanthoma (literally fat deposits pushing up through the skin). I was really sick at the time. My lipid panel showed a cholesteral or 600 my triglycerides were 5600 and my glucose level was bad ,though I don't remember how high it wasn't all THAT bad. This all came only about a year after I was finally diagnosed with bi-polar II after all the years of agoraphobia, anxiety panic disorder and blah blah blah. So I've been fighting pretty much non stop all these years to keep the delicate balance of all these things going. There are lots of pills and lots of injections and lots of doctors appointments and more blah blah blah. I work hard at it because someone once told me it was possible I wouldn't make it to 30 and if I did I was surely going to have had my first coranary event by then. I'm 35 now and none of those things have come to pass. I am in no way perfect but I try. Sometimes things get a little off and I don't try that hard.

This year has been kind of sucky for my health. Last year around this time I had a nice bout of asthmatic bronchitis that required breathing treatments and a shot of prednisone.(I have asthma history That was a new one for me, I'd always been given oral steroids in the past. At the beginning of this year I caught Cyd's stupid cold and although I was rundown and stuffed up I didn't think too much of it until the night I suddenly started feeling as if someone was shoving an icepick in my ear. (I have ear history too). When I finally got to the doctor the next morning I founf out that both my ears were horribly infected and that the left eardrum had perforated. We were in the middle of Rakkasah rehersals at the time. It was lovely. Spaced in between have been stomach incidents and random vomitting and woooo hoo.

A few months ago I was afraid I was having ear problems again and went in to see a doctor who was not my normal primary care. He said my ears were fine but it seemed that I probably had tmj. I happened to mention the all over body pain that I was having that had been particularly intense around then and he questioned me a bit about it poking me in various places and seeming really suprised that it ALL hurt. "You walk around like this all the time?" he asked. I told him yup I was just kind of used to it by now. He ordered the typical arthrits and lupus tests that always come back negative on me but also wanted to check my vitamin D on a hunch. When the results of the Vitamin D came back it turned out my level was 7 (30 is low). So I took a three month course of 50,000 units of D a week. The pain started dissapating a bit.

So now here we are in the last month or so. Recently the normal ache I have in my hands has turned to something completely different. For weeks many times when I grab something with the tips of my fingers (drawer pulls, keys, door knobs just to name a few) I often get this piercing pain that feels quite like someone has just cut the tip of my finger off! I never know when it's going to happen so often I am standing there shocked and shuddering as the pain runs through my hold body going wtf? About two weeks ago I started getting numbness in my fingers. So I made an appointment to see my doctor. I went and had my fasting lipids, A1C etc done before I saw her.

When the results started coming into my e-mail box I was even more WTF! My cholesteral is 353 my triglycerides are back up to 1878 and my A1C is 8.2 (that one is my fault I know). There is not apparant reason for these things to have all of a sudden gone crazy again other than the fact that maybe a medication has stopped working. I eat rather well and I excercise a TON. The most bizarre result was my vitamin D, it is now 5. Yeah it went down!

And my hands? Beginnings of diabetic neuropathy of course!

So it's all back to fiddling with meds, trying this and that and attempting to get myself back on track. So apparently there will be days like this and it's OK. I have to remember that, because my body may be a broke down bitch sometimes but my mind is a drill sergent who finds it unacceptable to rest. They need to learn to work together because feeling guilty for not dancing some days will get me nowhere.

I know this was an extremely boring entry. Sorry apparently I'm tired all over.