Thursday, November 5, 2009


By the end of this week I will have taken nine dance classes and one workshop. I am pretty happy about this. Hopefully nine classes will continue to be my normal schedule for some time to come. I feel like I am finally getting to do something that I have missed out on numerous times in my life. My childhood and adolescence were mostly chaos with me being afraid of my own shadow which didn't lend well to ANY activities. I took jazz and ballet on and off until I was about 11 and never performed in anything. It killed me most of my life to watch dance performances. I loved to watch so very much, but I cried every single time because I wanted to be doing it not watching it, and I felt like a failure.

A few years ago we tried to sell our house so that I could spend every waking moment at Suhaila's. The universe said no in a rather massive way. In fact it kept saying no over and over again as I struggled to get to class in Albany/El Cerrito over the years. A failing housing market, death of my step-father, car accidents and major self doubt and depression just kept hammering at me over and over again. This year I was given a gift with Kitiera moving to my town, and now I am taking nine classes a week. Every class shows me something a little bit different and builds my confidence more and more. I feel like a dancer for the first time in my life.

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