Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Rooting Around

I was just thinking, as I am wont to do from time to time, way too much time actually. I was about the way I think and feel about performing, and creating and dancing in general. I don't often come from a place of great self esteem in this issue. I don't with most issues actually, which probably has to do with why I'm here in my artform also. I feel unworthy to be good. I feel apologetic for doing it. A lot of this comes from my body image. I have a kind of how do I dare to actually be or even try to be a good dancer when I am *gaspshudder* fat? I don't even allow myself to put my full creativity into my dancing because I somehow don't feel like I should? I mean what audacity I would have to stand beside something I created and say this is good and worthy to look at! Because I don't even feel that way about myself. I don't feel most of the time that I am good and worthy. How incredibly sad is that? And what amazing things could I do if I just told myself that it's ok, that I am ok? It could be spectacular. Why don't I?

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