So much for easing back in

Today I semi got my stuff together. After a night of "insomnia" wherein I spent hours playing with my dance website TinaEdance.com I wound up in bed at 7 am. I got up by noon which was some amazing feat considering! I found myself newly inspired thinking of course I'm still a dancer why wouldn't I be. So this evening I jumped right in and worked about two hours on my choreography for Tribal Fest. I'm wanting to change quite a few things it seems. I was doing pretty well and enjoying myself but had a nagging ick feeling most of the time. It wasn't until I stopped that I realized just how horrible I was feeling. My head was pounding, and kind of balloon feeling and I was feeling pretty severely nauseated. I ate part of an apple, took a shower and lay on my bed waiting for dinner while hoping to be put out of my misery. I guess I forgot for a moment that I have had almost zero exercise for the last five months or so, and my body hasn't been doing too well lately anyway, add to that the lack of sufficient sleep and bam I'm a whimpering mess. It took a few hours but I finally started to feel better. Even with all that I feel pretty happy with the fact that I was able to drag my butt into the studio and move for a while. It's been too long. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I was ever so gently reminded by the husbandtypecreature that I'm pretty much out of shape and what the hell did I expect? Gotta love him. Now it's 3 am and I'm going to go to bed and call this successfully going to be early! Hah hah.

Hope?

Wow, it's been a really long time since I updated this blog. That's not really anything new. It's kind of typical of my bi-polar personality to disappear for great lengths of time, then come back all of a sudden renewed and refreshed (manic?). This time I'm renewed in a different part of my life than dancing. I'm devoting a lot of my time and energy to creating Art Dolls and trying to get my business moving. I'm spending more time writing over at Night's Vision my Art Doll blog than here.

I wish I could say all of a sudden my urge to dance has come back, but it seems I'm not really there yet. The last time I really danced was in October. I believe by that time my health had gotten so out of control and I was so exhausted from so much training and the intensity (for me, other people are able to put so much more out there) of performances, that I just kind of hit a wall. I just completely stopped. I haven't even danced when I'm folding laundry! It's rather heartbreaking actually, to all of a sudden have lost the passion that has driven your life for a long time. The reason I have hope is that it's happened before. It's happened a few times actually all in the last five years since my step-father died. I hadn't taken a class and barely danced at home for a full year before I started dancing with Kitiera and the Modrom Dance Collective. So I have hope.

I have to have hope... I'm dancing at Tribal Fest in May! I am going to be performing my Sunshine piece again, but I am changing a few things. Now I just need to be able to get up off my butt and work on it! I know I will, but I feel time passing away.

The first thing I need to do is become aware of my health again. I was doing good for a while, but sometimes when I become immersed in something the way I have been with doll work lately, I forget all about the having to be diligent with the health. Today my blood sugar was 354 at one point. We're having a big salad for dinner!