Hope?

Wow, it's been a really long time since I updated this blog. That's not really anything new. It's kind of typical of my bi-polar personality to disappear for great lengths of time, then come back all of a sudden renewed and refreshed (manic?). This time I'm renewed in a different part of my life than dancing. I'm devoting a lot of my time and energy to creating Art Dolls and trying to get my business moving. I'm spending more time writing over at Night's Vision my Art Doll blog than here.

I wish I could say all of a sudden my urge to dance has come back, but it seems I'm not really there yet. The last time I really danced was in October. I believe by that time my health had gotten so out of control and I was so exhausted from so much training and the intensity (for me, other people are able to put so much more out there) of performances, that I just kind of hit a wall. I just completely stopped. I haven't even danced when I'm folding laundry! It's rather heartbreaking actually, to all of a sudden have lost the passion that has driven your life for a long time. The reason I have hope is that it's happened before. It's happened a few times actually all in the last five years since my step-father died. I hadn't taken a class and barely danced at home for a full year before I started dancing with Kitiera and the Modrom Dance Collective. So I have hope.

I have to have hope... I'm dancing at Tribal Fest in May! I am going to be performing my Sunshine piece again, but I am changing a few things. Now I just need to be able to get up off my butt and work on it! I know I will, but I feel time passing away.

The first thing I need to do is become aware of my health again. I was doing good for a while, but sometimes when I become immersed in something the way I have been with doll work lately, I forget all about the having to be diligent with the health. Today my blood sugar was 354 at one point. We're having a big salad for dinner!