Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Starting again

I've had a livejournal since 2001, and before that I had my "journal" on my website. I used to write, I wrote a lot and it felt good. I didn't think all that much I just wrote. I was never much worried about what people thought of my ramblings I just wrote.

The last few years I've been strangled and silenced by my life. I stopped having anything to say. I've had conversations with the keyboard in my head, but they never quite made it out through my hands. So I'm starting again. the truth is I have a lot to say but somewhere along the way I just figured maybe none of it was worth saying.

I don't believe in hiding things in the corners or not saying things because they aren't pretty. What fun is that. I'm too honest for myself sometimes, but I'm learning to let myself be me. I am not fully defined by these things but they are a part of me ... I am bi-polar, I am diabetic, I'm overweight and spend a whole lot of my life in a state of high anxiety. I'm also an artist, a belly dancer, a doll maker, a partner and a daughter. I like to laugh but sometimes I can't even feel enough to smile. I believe in being good to people and thinking outside myself but I can be a bitch if you live with me.

I'm 34 years old now and I'm just figuring out how to be me.

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